The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. All of the people in your life are reflections of your past, present or future and can be utilized as a mirror to understand your state of wellbeing in order to change your vibration to a higher frequency. If you have issues in relationships it is never really about the other person, it is about the your misalignment with your true self and a lack of acceptance of what is. Rather than trying to change the way that other people act we need to learn to change our thoughts and emotions about the situation and ourselves. We must stop looking outside of ourselves for approval and love, and stop focusing on what other people think of us
We can gauge our alliance to Source by tuning into our emotions, overall mood and internal sensations. If we are emanating positive feelings such as joy, eagerness, acceptance, and enthusiasm for life, we know that we are going to attract similar experiences. If we are coming from a sense of lack and reside in a state of fear, worry, anger or frustration we are going to attract people with similar emotions. Our feelings are our built in navigation system, which helps us to see if we are out of alignment.
One of the main reasons we become disconnected is because we constantly focus on what we do not want in relationships rather than what we do. Our minds are quick to create separation by acknowledging what other people do wrong, rather than what they are doing right. Instead of focusing on all the great traits in individuals, we tend to belittle people by talking about their faults, which are really just a reflection of our own insecurities and issues. We are drawn first to the negative aspects of situations because of our natural instincts to protect our selves. If we do not quickly realign our thoughts to focus on the positive aspects of what we do want to experience in relationships, we will undeniably bring in more of the negative because that is where our vibrational point of attraction is.
Esther Hicks, who channels a Source of energy named Abraham, was the first person to speak about the law of attraction. Her channel Abraham made it clear that you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. When you attract relationships that are no longer in alignment with who you really are, these are great opportunities for growth because they offer you a contrast. You cannot know who you really are until you experience who you are not. When a relationship occurs that no longer suites your desires you can sit with the negativity or you can choose to expand. Expansion is when you choose to have a new experience that aligns with who you are in the moment and creates a greater potential for joy and creativity.
I had a male friend that I was constantly chasing for attention and when he did not supply the love I needed I went into a downward spiral. My focus for a very long time was put on what he was not doing. I was desperate for him to show me love and I waited for him to call or respond to my emails and texts with a heart breaking neediness like a victim who lost her power. I was more interested in his approval and thoughts about me than how I thought about myself. As a result, I began to attract similar experiences of lack and negativity in other relationships in my life. My friends began to bail out on plans, some would not respond for days, and I had lack of communication and turmoil in a lot of personal relationships. What I really wanted was to experience love and connection, but I was so deeply engaged in what I was not getting that I created a vortex of negative energy that spiraled into all of my personal relationships.
When he did not give the attention I desperately wanted, and all the other relationships in my life lacked true communication, I was fast to place the blame on their behaviors rather than look at my own. What I did not realize is that it was my own thoughts that made me feel bad, not the individual’s actions. When I chose to focus my attention on the lack of love, respect and connection in my life I got more of that everywhere I turned, which took me farther away from a state of wellbeing. I stuck with this vibration for years, and the more I thought things such as “he doesn’t care” “Im not good enough”, “I am alone”, “everybody wants to fight with me”, the more the Universe would provide situations to prove my belief system. I was attracting the negative vibration I wanted to get away from, which made me feel awful and disconnected.
Abraham says “When you observe something in another that causes you to feel bad while you are observing it, your negative emotion is an indicator that you are adding to something unwanted.” The most important thing we can do is monitor how we are feeling and catch our bad feelings before we get taken into a downward spiral of negativity. When I changed my thoughts about other people, and focused only on positive feelings, I began to change my world. I directed my attention back to myself and realized that it does not matter what anyone else thinks or does, the only thing that matters is how I feel. The only person who was being negative was me in the relationships because I was choosing to focus on everyone’s negative qualities. These experiences showed me contrast and offered me the opportunity to grow by asking for more respect, communication, and love in my personal encounters.
Relationships and experiences should never be thought of us as “good” or as “bad”, but as reflection of a part of yourself that can help to launch what you really want in life. You can not run from one negative relationship hoping that the next one will be better because you will still be carrying the same thought forms throughout. True happiness only happens when you understand that you are responsible for your own feelings. Rather than trying to change my outside relationships I began to allow people to be who they were. The more I did this, the more I allowed myself to grow into a happier and more loving person. Once I started expanding, by choosing to focus my attention on positive thoughts and emotions, I did not look back to point the finger at what others weren’t doing again. I used their ocean of contrast to connect to who I really was and surrendered into the growth.
When you are feeling negative emotions towards anything you are out of alignment. You cannot control the circumstances or the behaviors of other people. You can only control yourself and your personal belief systems and emotions. If you can begin to monitor your thoughts and switch to higher vibrational feelings, you can without a doubt change your life. Every person, place or thing that you attract into your world is a result of your own asking and vibration. Use these circumstances as a mirror to see yourself more clearly.